Love is something everyone wants. It’s something we all crave.
But then the unwanted thought lingers…
Just a simple…maybe.
Maybe I’m too much.
Maybe the things I want, I can’t get. Maybe everything is just a dream…nothing more.
And honestly, it scares me.
What if the future isn’t something I planned? What if so many unexpected things happen that I don’t know how to stay afloat.
But what if I’m simply too much in a world where people survive on being simple.
The fear of being too much in a world where people can’t stand being patient.
Just maybe…a bit.
And you know what’s worse?
I know I’m too much.
I know that I am spoiled and needy and clingy and someone who wants reaffirmation at random times. I know I am someone who’s incredibly insecure, someone who will question you and your motives. I will wonder if I said the wrong thing, who will apologise for things but still try and pretend I don’t care.
I know I’m someone who wants so much, whether it be love or anything else. I know I’m someone with evolving dreams…dreams that just make me want to stop and question: What am I thinking?
I know I’m a lot.
Maybe a bit too much.
And sometimes I feel like people will get tired of me.
It’s a fear that gets me to believe that even those who chose me, will eventually get tired.
I’m someone who gets angry and frustrated. I’m someone who prefers to just keep it in because I think if I say something, then I’m overreacting. I’m someone whose smile falters if you say something that hurt me…but it’s so subtle that only those who care will feel the change. I’m someone who ends up noticing the slightest change in your demeanour…that I wish someone will do the same for me.
And the funniest thing?
I hide it.
Oh, boy the way I hide it is hilarious.
It’s ironic, but it’s true.
I don’t like showing people that I’m weak or that I’m someone that cries easily. I never want people to know that I’m this delusional hopeless romantic who wants someone who would listen and just be there. I don’t want anyone to know that I crave freedom more than anything. I don’t want anyone to know every single time I’m in pain or if something hurt.
And most of all…I don’t want anyone to know that I want to be seen.
Just maybe…even if it’s a bit.
But then again…
Maybe it’s just too much.
It’s a fear that just keeps me unsettled.
If you related to it even just a bit, don’t hesitate to like and comment!
There would be time. Why is it so familier is every pattern cyclic?